


This Machine

by daffodil_damask



Series: Perfect Blue [2]
Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Existential Angst, Existentialism, Gen, Introspection, Post-Apocalypse, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29989227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daffodil_damask/pseuds/daffodil_damask
Summary: He had clung to that heap of scrap metal as if it were his only reason for living. He could see the light reflecting on its surfaces, reminding him of that glow of hope when he saw that Sonic's body was no more on the ground.Maybe, maybe he could have fixed it.And who knows, maybe he would fix himself too.or:forget what you know about "This Machine".
Series: Perfect Blue [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2217330





	This Machine

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [This Machine [ITA]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29989299) by [daffodil_damask](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daffodil_damask/pseuds/daffodil_damask). 



> Forget what you know about "This Machine".
> 
> [ [Spotify](https://translate.google.com/translate?hl=it&prev=_t&sl=it&tl=en&u=https://open.spotify.com/track/0gFIB5Kc4iBFEOQuQVIDMe%3Fsi%3Dpv5ovqNFQg269HvY1Gh6pg) ] [ [Youtube](https://translate.google.com/translate?hl=it&prev=_t&sl=it&tl=en&u=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DtFxHxr_yTOk) ]
> 
> Loop this song in the background while you read, I promise you won't regret it.

A year had now passed. A very long and painful year. Nothing was left of the beautiful blue sky of yore, of the green grass that covered the earth, of the sweet scent of flowers and dew. The horizon was perpetually tinged with crimson red, smoke and dark clouds rose from below, spreading the stench of burnt metal and plastic. Those pitch-black columns, combined with the color of the sky, really gave the impression that a gigantic fire was burning the whole earth.

It was.

Mobius had lost his hero a year ago and, still mourning, the planet was burning his ashes, as if it were a punishment against all humans who had allowed such a thing.

It would have been the end of humanity.

And if nature hadn't thought of it Eggman surely would, with his unhealthy intent to dominate the world, dusting off and bringing to light the forbidden techniques used by ancient peoples, such as sacrifice and slavery.

Fate wanted the first martyr of that madness to be Sonic.

It had happened in front of the celestial eyes of his life partner: Tails had seen him collapse to the ground, had called his name and tried, in vain, to reach him. The crowd fleeing from Eggman's robots, who had begun destroying the city, had pushed him backwards, away from his best friend, now a tiny blue dot, the only cold color in the middle of the red of flames and blood. By the time he got back it was too late: his body was gone. A glimmer of hope then lit up in Tails' heart, who at that moment wished with all his heart that his friend, his brother, had managed to escape, maybe he hid somewhere.

That little spark was extinguished a moment later.

He had only to turn his body just a little, after hearing, a few meters from him, a metallic laugh coming from one of the robots. What he saw froze the blood in his veins.

That metal being held Sonic's helpless body in his hands.

He exhibited it as if it were a trophy, a jewel to be proud of. No, wait, that metaphor didn't fit at all, because it would have implied that, towards the defeated hero, there was at least a kind of respect.

But that was not the case.

That robot held it up as if it were an insect, a bug, just squashed.

How could that being without soul, without feeling, that knew only the dry cold of steel, that all he saw and processed were mathematical codes and formulas, exhibit the body of his life partner in that way? With that indignation, with that contempt. As if he wasn't a worthy opponent, as if he had been nobody.

Tails couldn't help himself.

The memories of the next few moments are still confused in his mind. He remembered only a few instants, single shreds of memory that he was afraid to mend.

Tears, more laughter from the robot, fire, blood, a scream.

_Let him go_ _!_

After that, the dark.

Darkness that now invaded his heart, his mind, every single cell of his limbs. A darkness that burned like hellfire and that would soon reduce his organs and psyche to ashes. He was no longer the Tails he used to be, determined, sweet, cheerful and optimistic. Those actors had left the stage, they were no longer willing to continue the show of the boy's Psyche. Now all that was left was an empty, encrusted stage full of cobwebs and holes.

And it was on fire.

There were days when Tails barely recognized himself in the mirror, others when he gazed for hours at the devastation brought by Dr. Eggman's robots, others when he did nothing but repair and build.

Building, repairing, repairing, building and building, then again repairing, repairing, repairing.

Machines have always been his passion. If it weren't for Sonic, Knuckles and Amy would certainly have called them their best friends. They had everything of a person: defects, needs, need for care, maintenance.

Only the soul was missing.

But, apart from it, the difference was minimal.

With new technologies they could even equip their AI with a personality.

Therefore Tails, to seek and escape from that darkness, as hot as the flames outside, had thrown himself on cars all year round. What did he build? What was it repairing?

He didn't know either, sometimes some little robots, other times he would put together a jumble of meaningless objects in the hope of getting something.

He had wondered many times why he did this, why he didn't kill himself instead of continuing to use his hands and his energy for no purpose. Was it the hope of being able to repair himself ? No, it would have been impossible.

A machine cannot repair itself.

There was no one who could help him: he would be broken forever.

Who knows, perhaps, slowly, he would gradually run out of energy, like a dead battery, and slowly collapse on the ground, helpless and motionless.

There was, however, also another thing that kept him from giving up, that required him to grit his teeth and hold on.

That something was named E-123 Omega.

One day, during his usual reconnaissance tour of the city, he had found him in an isolated street, in one of the most destroyed neighborhoods, dull, immobile, damaged, broken.

It was just then that, in Tails' head, a small spark, thanks to the gears inside the brain, had ignited. But it had not been mechanical, an empty effect due to the movement of metal, however rusty. No, the wheels of his brain had moved because the engine, the Prime Mover of the body, where instincts, emotions, the pump that keeps humans alive, had turned on again. Tails had clung to that heap of scrap metal as if it were his only reason for living. He could see the light reflecting on its surfaces, reminding him of that glow of hope which had sprung when he saw that Sonic's body was no more on the ground.

Maybe, maybe he could have fixed it.

And who knows, maybe he would fix himself too, thanks to that robot.

Yet, once again, all that enthusiasm and optimism was of no purpose. He had been spending his time trying to restart that robot for months now, without success. It had become his obsession. That machine, that dead and broken machine, which reminded him so much of himself, didn't want to know how to work. He hadn't been able to turn it on and, even worse, he couldn't even figure out what the problem was.

The darkness inside, that black ash, too, hadn't stopped accumulating. He flared up at each failure, as if his disappointment were dry dead leaves whose only use was to keep alive a bonfire of pure destruction. And it burned, it burned, it burned more and more, causing him more and more tears, pain, suffering. An agony that was infecting his whole body like a virus.

But he wouldn't give up.

Not yet.

He spent whole days on Omega, without sleeping and eating, ignoring the explosions, the war outside, the calls from his friends who couldn't find him. He didn't care anymore now. A target had been imprinted in his head, made of iron, circuits and that cold metal typical of machines.

But one day the darkness, with its flame now becoming a fire, prevailed.

Tails was lying on the ground, sweaty, boiling. He felt himself bursting into flames, and perhaps soon he would turn to ashes. Where was that pleasant coolness that only metal could give him? Why was all he could perceive now a fiery ember corroding him from within? She reached out to one of Omega's limbs, still resting on the ground, and took his iron hand, squeezing it in his own. Tears began to streak the boy's face, lying on the ground defeated, almost lifeless. Was it his time? No, he couldn't accept it.

So why, why didn't that damn heat stop? It burned to death, it hurt him, the fumes of that boiling darkness had now blurred his vision, his blue eyes, just as the black clouds of war machines had covered the sky.

He couldn't leave like that, without being able to save anyone. He had believed and hoped, he had done it with all of himself, that if he could help him, repair him, even though he was nothing more than a robot, even for a moment, then he would be able to defeat that dark fire that was burning his soul.

Instead, he hadn't been able to help anyone.

Omega was still a broken, lifeless old robot, just like him.

In the end, it was his love for machines that led him to his death.

_I'm sorry._

Tails repeated to himself as his tears fell to the ground, evaporating almost immediately.

_I 'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't figure out your fault, my friend. I'm sorry I'm not smart enough…_

And, for a moment, instead of his metal hand resting on the ground, instead of his massive and heavy silhouette, he saw, against the light, the silhouette of a boy, tall, slender, his hair like the color of the sky (that beautiful sky blue that he hardly remembered) and a sweet smile on his lips. Tails just widened his pupils.

No, it couldn't be him. It was not possible and yet it seemed so real, his smile, the light beating on his skin, making him so akin to a statue, to an ancient hero worthy of the most celebrated myths and legends. The boy squeezed his hand tightly.

Tails did the same.

_Sonic... Sonic, is that you?_

The boy didn't answer.

_Sonic, Sonic help me, please... I've tried everything. I cannot handle it anymore. I can't do it without you._

Still silence.

_It's tough, my friend. It hurts. Forgive me, forgive me please. I couldn't save you even though I tried. I let you on the ground and I couldn't get you up. Please, please, forgive me, forgive me..._

The backlit boy barely moved a finger, gently stroking the back of Tails' hand, as if to say: okay, Tails, you've done enough, you can rest now.

Tails narrowed his eyes as the grip of his hand loosened more and more. The tears now copiously streaked his face, ran down his cheeks, his neck, as to seal that moment forever.

It was as he had always imagined his own death: supported by an old friend, slumped to the ground without strength, batteries now dead.

_My brother, I will finally be able to see you again. Hold my hand as I reach you._

But fate had other plans for Tails. The destiny machine had decided to keep him still tied to the threads of life, too important an element to be lost so soon.

A word was enough, a single word, spoken in the right place and at the right time:

«Omega.»

At that moment, Tails opened his eyes again. In front of him his hand still held the robot's fingers steady, bent forward, turned off. Whose voice was that?

Tense that it might belong to an enemy, Tails turned weakly.

What he saw took his breath away.

Before him, standing, statuesque, monolithic, like a knight of the apocalypse or a demon from hell, was Shadow.

His gaze was fixed on the robot, his companion, and he didn't seem to have paid attention to the blond mechanic laying at his feet.

Tails shivered and was shaken by a sudden surge of fear.

He was sure that Shadow had every intention of taking away Omega, _his_ Omega, the robot who, albeit in silence, had kept him company for all those months and had tacitly helped him stay alive. The only thing that had offered him relief from that hot darkness.

_No, no, no, no, no, I won't let you._

With the last energies he had in his body, in a final and single attempt at rebellion, even though before him there were only flames of hell, oppressive and cruel as the red eyes of the boy in front of him, even though he was left alone in the world and with no compelling reason to live on, Tails rose to his knees.

Shadow had remained motionless, watching the scene. His face, illuminated by the light of day, showed no reactions or emotions.

Tails, on the other hand, in the shade, obscured by that perhaps hellish or perhaps divine presence, looked at him from below. It was the last effort, the last attempt of man to oppose a force more powerful than himself.

«What are you doing to him?»

Shadow's voice was distant, dark, but also ethereal, as if he wasn't really a being of this world. It reached Tails' ears as faint and weak as a wind-blown feather. At that moment he wasn't afraid, he had nothing else to lose. If Shadow hadn't killed him, maybe his own fire would have done it or vice versa. The mechanic slowly raised his shaking arms, intent on protecting the metal machine behind him. The gaze was determined, albeit suffering.

The supreme life form spoke a second time:

«What are you going to do? I have no intention of leaving without my partner.»

«No ... I won't let you do it.»

Tails replied, his voice struggling to get out of his throat. Even if he failed, he would still try. You must believe in yourself.

_Right, Sonic?_

«Don't take him away from me,» continued the blond-haired boy, with his voice breaking more and more and his arms becoming heavier with each passing second: «I can't leave him like this, he's... he's broken, I have to fix him, I have to do it, I have to do it...»

Shadow didn't answer, he just looked at him, his fiery eyes planted in the blue irises of the boy kneeling in front of him.

«Machines are my only reason for living,» the tears began to roll down the mechanic's face, «this machine, Omega, is all I have, all I have left. I have nothing left, with nothing to repair I'm nobody... I have to fix him, please, please...»

The request had become a plea.

A supplication perhaps directed more at himself than at being and standing before him, bright in all his power.

«Please, Shadow, I beg you, let me fix him. Then you can take him, but please, don't take him, don't take him away from me... I must try... to fix him... After all this time, I have always... always...»

But he was unable to continue the sentence: the words were lost in his fauces, while sobs and spasms coming from his chest shook him like an engine out of control. Yet, his arms were still raised, the last attempt at protection.

Shadow did not speak. He stood still, for minutes that seemed eternal, statuesque, steady. Was he judging him? Despising him? Tails didn't care. He would have got dirty, humiliated himself, he would have begged him lying on the ground, he would have even been willing to kiss the soles of his shoes in order not to lose Omega.

There were still long and interminable minutes of silence, during which the two looked into each other's eyes, without looking away even for a moment.

Shadow was the first of the two to break that unspoken confrontation. He closed his eyes, as he used to do, although Tails sensed something different in his gesture. It wasn't pity or compassion, no. It had been only a faint and vague impression, but it had been there. Was it respect? No, wasn't that either. But what then? When Shadow opened his eyes, Tails' doubts were immediately cleared up.

It wasn't respect, it was _understanding._

It was a faint, barely perceptible nuance in his gaze that Tails, accustomed as he was to minutiae and details, noticed without too much effort.

From Shadow he expected anger and mockery and instead none of this was present at that moment.

Was it possible that he, of all people, who stood victorious over the destruction behind him, could understand what Tails was feeling? The mechanic would never believe it to be true, yet that was exactly what was happening.

It was at that moment that the younger felt something, something he couldn't give a name to. However, as the seconds passed, that something became strong and firm. It was a kind of invisible rope, tied around both their necks, which pulled them towards each other.

Maybe, maybe they were both alive for a similar reason.

They didn't know much about each other, they had never spoken to each other with interest and hadn't had much contact, nevertheless they both felt that invisible force drawing them together.

What could it be? What could be so similar between the two of them, who had nothing in common, that they could create such a deep bond in a moment like that?

Shadow turned his eyes to the horizon, again breaking contact between their pupils. If earlier the blond-haired boy was in total shade, Shadow shone in the blood-red light of the landscape, to the point where even the tiny imperfections of his clothes were visible. Everything, together with the sharp cheekbones, highlighted by the glow surrounding him, his expressionless gaze, his erect posture, made him as if coming from another dimension. Maybe he was an angel, maybe a devil or maybe both. Tails could not help but observe him with that same awe with which a chthonic deity is worshiped, well aware of how much his power is caused by the faith of his devotees.

He wasn't afraid of him, not anymore.

However, the black-haired boy did not seem intent on conflict. He just looked at the landscape painted in blood, passing his pupils over every destroyed building in that city. Tails thought he saw infinite remorse in that look, along with loneliness and regret. He had never had such an expression before.

«The city is burning today», Shadow said in a flat, unenthusiastic voice.

Tails squeezed even more against Omega, although Shadow no longer seemed interested. If he had wanted to, he'd have had no trouble to get the robot back. The younger was aware of this, but he wasn't sure if he trusted the man too much.

«The city has been burning for a year now», the other replied, trying to be firm and aggressive, but without success.

Shadow closed his eyes a second time, then turned them on Tails' face again .

Again, again that look without hate, full of pure understanding, that understanding that only a life partner can give. He was looking at Tails in the same way a person looks in the mirror after suffering a huge trauma and needs to brace himself, repeating to his own image, like a mantra: "It's okay, you did your best and I understand that".

«It has always been like this,» continued the Supreme Life Form, in the humblest tone Tails had ever heard from a living being, «the world, life is nothing but a war, a race against time and against the flames of Hell. You can only fight.»

He then took a step towards Tails, who was still on his knees. The younger did not move, did not shiver nor flinch. Shadow's expression had nothing hostile, but in it was inherent the remorse of those who are aware of having failed. Who knows who he was saying those words to, whether to himself or to the kid in front of him.

«This is all we can do, but we must do it, even for those who are no longer there, for those who have _sacrificed_ themselvesto allow us to continue treading on the ground that keeps us alive.»

«Ground covered with sacrifices... it's a ground of blood,» Tails replied, voice shaking. «I don't want to walk on it.»

« _We have to_ , precisely because everything in this life has a very high price. A price that must often be paid with blood.»

Shadow spoke with the calm of someone who knows exactly what he is saying. Tails thought he saw, in those crimson eyes, an immense loneliness. He had never looked as human as in that moment, he had always seemed a being beyond time.

«In the end there is not much difference from Hell,» Shadow turned his gaze to the sky, it was as if he was looking at something or _someone._ «But many people like this hell and would give their lives to save it. That's why it's up to us, living, to keep it alive and pulsating.»

Tails swallowed, resonating with Shadow's words for the first time. And the more time passed, the more the noose tightened around their necks.

«For this we must fight, grit our teeth, walk on the blood people before us have shed, even at the risk of burning ourselves with the flames of this hell. Life is nothing more than a fire that surrounds us and we all, we all have to dance inside, trapped in this machine we call body.»

Another long instants of silence, during which Tails dared not breathe.

It was, once again, Shadow to end it.

«I know what it means. I know what it means to lose the person most dear to you.»

And at that point he focused his thin pupils on the dilated ones of the kneeling boy, who was strenuously looking for something to cling to.

«If _this machine_ is really the most precious thing in the world to you,» he raised an arm, pointing a finger at him. But not against Omega, against Tails himself, «then fight for those who, before you, took care of it.»

It was at that point that Tails was finally able to understand what was tied around their necks, what was tightening more and more, perhaps to give them the strength to carry on or perhaps to kill them.

It was the memory of a loved one.

Tails had no idea who Shadow was referring to and he never wanted to know: it would be his secret, something he would keep only for him. Of course, he doubted it was Sonic, whom Tails cared about as a brother.

But the _who_ did not matter, what mattered was the _why_.

A reason that took their breath away, yet that gave them the impetus to fight.

Before the young mechanic could answer, Shadow had turned his back and walked few steps away, without speaking. He had been merciful: he had heeded Tails' plea and allowed him to stay with Omega.

But how much was that gesture costing him?

Leaving a teammate, even if for a limited time, in certain situations could hurt a lot. Tails knew this utterly well. You never know when you might see your friend again, even if you left him in the safest arms in the world. Above all, walking away without being able to do anything was one of the most frustrating sensations that could exist. Shadow seemed to know this well, he seemed to have known such an emotion for a long time, but he was moving away anyway.

Then Tails saw him.

A broken robot, pushing towards the end with little energy left.

Just like himself.

«Shadow!» Tails called.

The red-eyed boy stopped but made no move to turn around.

«I don't want to part with him,» Tails continued. He looked down, opened his lips to speak, hesitated. He gritted his teeth, then raised his head, «If... we join forces, even... even together with Rouge... maybe we can fix him.»

He swallowed. He could not believe the request he was about to make, but he would not be sitting on his hands anymore.

«Let me come with you.»

Shadow stayed silent for a couple seconds. Who knows, maybe he was just mocking him or maybe he was pondering the choice. It didn't matter.

Eventually, he turned towards Tails. The gaze was once again compassionate and mature. Tails got the feeling he was looking at him as an equal, but he wasn't sure.

«If you can fix Omega,» and there was a long pause, as if pondering his choice, «so it be.»

Tails couldn't believe his ears. Shadow, Sonic's bitter nemesis, perhaps the most dangerous and terrifying being on earth, had just agreed to take him along, a humble mechanic with the fear of thunderstorms. The boy bit his lip, thanking him tacitly, grateful for his compassion and pity. It didn't matter to Tails if he'd done it for personal advantage. He had found, even if minimal, the spark that had allowed the Prime Mover to reignite and give him a little more energy. He didn't know how long it would last, but he was sure he wouldn't let it fade away in vain. Who knows, maybe Shadow's presence was a miracle wanted by his guardian angel (in that case he would also have known what name to call him) or it was nothing more than the apparition of his demon, ready to guide him into the abyss of the underworld.

For some reason, the second definition fit better.

_My repairing skills still seem to be needed. I'm always busy._

Tails thought, glancing behind him, even though there was no one there.

_Forgive me, Sonic, my friend, my brother._

A faint smile, crossed by a small tear on the left side, made its way down his cheeks.

_I think you'll have to wait for me again for a while._

"So it be."

The mechanic repeated to himself, slowly rising to his feet. He would start a new path, during which he would have to face severe trials. Perhaps that dark and boiling fire within him would not disappear, he would have to fight it all his life, with the risk of never being able to defeat it. However, the machines he loved so much could repair themselves with fire, just as it is used to cauterize a wound. He could have melted the metal, grow, change, create himself from scratch.

Shadow was right, we all dance in the fire, trapped in this machine we call body.

But this machine, fortunately, is not afraid of flames.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this story!
> 
> I didn't put it in the opening so as not to slow down, but this story was written by a dear friend of mine, with beta reading done by me (and of course I have their permission to post it here). After reading it, I immediately thought it would be a shame not to share it with the fandom.
> 
> Inspired by the events at the beginning of Sonic Forces, obviously with some modifications.
> 
> The white spaces are intentionally calibrated to reflect the feeling of emptiness that permeates the story.
> 
> Fun facts: The "you must believe in yourself" part is a reference to Tails' theme in Sonic Adventure, "Believe in myself". The title, of course, is a reference to the Team Dark theme in Sonic Heroes, "This Machine", but I think the real strength of the title lies in the somewhat misleading image it gives: I personally find the reinterpretation of the lyrics of the song magnificent.
> 
> And with that we are really at the end. Thanks again, especially to those who will comment to share their thoughts and feelings!
> 
> Sending you a big hug ♡
> 
> \- daffodil_damask


End file.
